Statute of Limitations

About a year ago, a guy I went to kindergarten with moved back to DC. His family had moved away when we were 5 or 6 and then his parents moved back a few years ago. His mom and my mom became friendly again, based solely on the fact that he and I had known each other when we were 5. I find his mother brash and annoying so when he moved back and she put us in touch with each other, I wasn't really looking forward to meeting up. I put it off a few times and then one time we met for drinks and spent a total of two hours together over a year go.

Since then, I have managed to miss every phone call, not reply to any emails and always decline evites. Despite this, I am included in invitations to everything from hockey viewing parties to plays in Baltimore to birthday parties for people I don't even know. I could continue to ignore these emails if it weren't for the deluge of reply alls that follow each one. The pseudo-intellectual, think-they-are-sarcastic, not-so-witty reply alls. They clog up my inbox; I once got 10 in 2 minutes.
Then I started getting evites from people I didn't even know. I started to wonder if this was some sort of running joke with his friends - invite that E girl to as many things as we can until she breaks. On Wednesday, I got one such evite. The text in the email read:

Dr. Dan and the Doomsday Debauchery

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Anna Rose, Dan's best friend in DC. I am planning a super secret surprise 30th birthday for Dan. Click the evite for details.

I deleted the email and continued on my merry way. Then today, I received an email that read:

Hey everyone, it's Gene. I've managed to hack into Anna's Evite account (well, she gave me the password) to bring you this important party message. Anna has asked me to advise you all to buy your Airline tickets as soon as possible. The Airlines are done their "Fare Wars" and the prices are going back up. Personally, I'm going to purchase the round trip fare from United, from Dulles to New Orleans for $271. Plane leaves at 5pm on the 19th. Have at it, and happy shopping!

And I realized, these people, who I don't even know, expect me to fly to New Orleans for a birthday party for someone I have seen once in the last 25 years! How do I get off this fucking merry-go-round?