Twenty Steps to London Town

1. Leave house
2. Walk to Circulator, take to L’Enfant Plaza
3. Take Green Line from L’Enfant Plaza to Greenbelt
4. Take bus from Greenbelt to BWI, arrive 12:35
5. Smoke cigarette.
6. Go through security
7. Walk thirty minutes to gate, past gates that haven’t been built yet, turn around, go back, ask someone, “Is this really the way to Gate [whatever it was],” turn back around, find gate
8. Sit quietly eating tuna sandwich and hear three small children run in screaming, “I want to see the kangaroos now!” They were on their way to Australia. I suggested to their mother that if a little whiskey made it into their sippy cups, no one would hold it against her.
9. Take twenty minute flight to Philly, arrive 3:15 for 8:55 flight
10. Smoke cigarette
11. Go through security
12. Wait
13. Repeat steps 10-12
14. Repeat steps 10-12
15. Repeat steps 10-12
16. Board plane and am shocked to find out that US Air charges $5 for drinks. Find $10.
17. Score row of four seats to myself after moving from front row (where the arms don’t go up) to second row and slowly encroaching on the personal space of the Englishman sharing the row with me until he kindly moved so that I could stretch out.
18. Felt bad that a person at least six inches taller than me had moved to a two-seat row so that I could stretch out in a four-seat row
19. Eight seconds later, stopped feeling bad
20. Fall asleep and wake up in London

The Last IM

H: i'm leaving here shortly to paint my skirting boards and go to last salsa class
E: and by skirting board....
H: the thing around the walls by the floor
E: BASEBOARDS. WE CALL THEM BASEBOARDS
H: skirting is acceptable
E: god, i can't get there soon enough--you need some american
H: my mother calls them skirting
E: your mother is not a good example in this instance
H: i think if they are fancy then they are skirting
E: and what COULOUR will they be?
H: she knows her decor
E: don't you mean DECOUR
H: (ha Ha)
H: no but i would but an accent on it
E: i will be there in 24 hours to yankee you up
H: ok dokey
E: i'm off to take the shower that's going to see me through to belfast
H: make it count
E: see you tomorrow!
H: have a nice trip!
H: byeeee
E: byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee now