Born in 1975 and I were driving to work today with the windows and sunroof open and the Junior Retreat Mix Tape blaring on the CD player. BI’75 was telling me how she believed a spider was living in her car, and I was telling her that she had to smash it the next time she saw it, when I looked out her window and THERE WAS THE SPIDER!
It was like a scene from a spider horror movie! It was spinning a web from her side-view mirror to the door handle, and, even as the car was moving, it was cruising up and down its thread. We, of course, screamed like little girls and closed all the windows. I told BI’75 that she had to burn the web on both sides of the spider while it was in the middle. She said that just because I burned my eyelashes off, that didn’t mean fire was the answer to everything. (The other night, a blob of sulfur flew off a match and onto my lower eyelid and burned away a section of lashes—very scary!) I told her that fire was the answer to everything if what you want to do is destroy everything. By then, we had gotten to 12th and Constitution, and it was time for me to get out and leave BI’75 to deal with the spider. It better not be there the next time I get in the car.
