Countdown to Normalcy

I pay only $400 per month to live in a three-bedroom townhouse in a neighborhood where housing prices are soaring. Jealous? Don’t be. As with any sweet deal, there is a catch.

For nine months out of the year, BI’75 and I have the house to ourselves. We cook healthy dinners every night, the kitchen is always clean and there is always plenty of cheese. A person can lay on the couch uninterrupted for hours and never has to answer questions ranging from why the people in commercials talk so fast to what my generation thinks of “this mess.”

For the other three months, our house is overrun by senior citizens. CNN blares from every TV and NPR from every radio—at the same time. I give computer and cell phone tutorials on a nightly basis. The kitchen is littered with American cheese wrappers and we are always out of milk. The fights start promptly at 7:00 AM, and I have to threaten someone with the old folks home at least once a week. Please refer to my list of grievances from last year for more.

Since I can’t afford the other $1,600 per month that would make up half the rent on a place like this, I suppose it’s a small price to pay, but that doesn’t mean I’m not counting the days until Ma and Pa E pack up and head north.

Putting the UK in Yuck

It's been a while since the United Kingdom had a deadly animal-related disease terrorizing its citizens, so you can imagine that I was not surprised when CNN revealed that the country to which it had been referring to in the teases about the bird flu "hitting closer to home was the UK. For a nation without rabies, they sure make up for lost time (where time equals animal-related deaths). I wonder how much overtime the Irish Garda will log checking the trunks of cars crossing the Northern Ireland/Ireland border *.

* Reference to extremely long period of time spent waiting to cross said border at the height of the hoof and mouth panic. Wait ended with the Garda checking Coll's trunk for, what I could only assume to be, a smuggled cow.

Extreme Decrease In Blogging

I just switched to the new Blogger format. I like the way the new system organizes my archives, but I was shocked to see how my numbers have decreased since I first started blogging.

In 2005, I posted every 3.04 days.
In 2006, I posted every 9.86 days.
In 2007, so far, I have posted every 17 days.

In my defense, it has been a rough year so far. Alobar was very sick and had to be put to sleep last Saturday. I picked up his ashes today; the crematorium put them in a miniature wooden mausoleum. They also made a little paw print (a little creepy).

People keep asking me if I am going to get a new cat (for example, Papa E, to whom I responded, "When you die, am I supposed to get a new dad?"). I had a very strong reaction to W's cat rubbing against my legs the other day--I couldn't get away from her fast enough. Maybe in a few months. Alobar was such a kick-ass cat and will be difficult to replace.

So, the next time you have a drink, pour one out for our feline homie.

Alobar

March 19, 1993 - January 27, 2007

Pimp | Killer | Cutie-Pie

My Eyes!

After 26 years of coke-bottle lenses, uncomfortable contacts and a not a few incidents of glasses falling behind the bed not to be found for up to an hour, I can finally see my clock in the morning without holding it up to my face. That's right, I got LASIK! Here is what they did to my eyes:



Now, I can:

• Tell the difference between shampoo and conditioner (and toothpaste and cortizone cream
• Pluck my eyebrows without putting my nose to the mirror
• Wear any kind of sunglasses I want

And much, much more!

When searching for the above image, I came across this:

Check out their site--super funny. I hope some people actually try to order this; they deserve to be out $99.00 for being stupid.

Thanks to Papa E for the best present ever.

Channeling Dominic Dunne

Papa E loves his trademark round glasses, so you can imagine his dismay when the optician broke them when replacing his prescription. After they refused to replace them free of charge, he ordered a new pair. The optician suggested he get a larger size. What arrived was just too ridiculous for words. So we took pictures. Click on Papa E to see the glasses modeled by the entire family as well as house guests.

China Trip

Click each photo for more!

Ketchup

I know, I know...it's been too long since I've posted, and you are all crying yourselves to sleep at night because you don't know what I'm up to. Well, put away those hankies, because here's a recap!

1. I'm going to China! I'm leaving on 12/3, arriving on 12/4 and returning on 12/9. I'll be in Beijing and, possibly, Shenzhen. I can't wait to do all of my holiday shopping for under $20.
2. Went to Cirque du Soleil: Corteo. Completely amazing. I want to be in a circus. Removed because I know all you haters will have something to say about that.
3. I saw Borat. At one point, I was laughing so hard that there were tears streaming down my face and pain in my side. I had my hands over my face and my laughing spasms caused me to scratch my own nose. Everyone must see this movie.
4. My hair has gotten past another awkward stage and is well on it's way to being officially medium lengthed. I'll get BI'75 to snap some photos.
5. I have pneumonia/tuberculosis/scarlet fever. Or a slight cold. I'm not sure which. I stopped taking Sudafed because of the insane panic attacks it caused, so I've been taking echinacea and zinc. Any other suggestions?
6. We're going up to MV to see Ma and Pa E for Turkey Day. Papa E is feeling much better. He had a second cardioversion on Friday and says that he can now feel that his heart is beating normally. He has lots of garden chores waiting for us.
7. Alobar has lost 2.5 pounds in two months! He was already skinny in August at 14 lbs, and when I took him to the vet on Wednesday because he's had tummy problems, he weighed in at 11.5! He's so teeny and you can see every knob on his spine. I'm working on fattening him back up.

Other than my two new purses for $10 each and my new cushy pillows, I can't think of anything else. Promise to be better!

Nice Is Back

Last night, in the midst of the usual 35-year-old trick-or-treaters with no costumes, was a young man dressed as a skeleton. As BI'75 put a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup in the young skeleton's pumpkin, he said "I'm just being nice to everyone." She told him she thought that was great and continued handing out candy to the rest of the kids at the door. As the skeleton turned away, he looked back over his shoulder and repeated "I'm just trying to be nice to everyone tonight."

This incident reminded me of a boy I saw at the library last week. He was pulling a wheeled schoolbag and wearing a white oxford shirt under a green t-shirt that read "Be nice. Work hard." I traced the t-shirt to KIPP Academy, a sort of franchise charter school with almost 50 "branches" in New York, California, Texas, North Carolina (to name a few) and DC.

Now, I've only heard/seen young children talking about being nice. I haven't actually seen any evidence of the niceness. But I'm keeping an eye out.

The Stingrays Are Angry...

It sounds like the stingrays have organized. I understand the Steve Irwin hit, but I wonder what poor James Bertakis did to them? Maybe he the head of a secret anti-stingray organization. Don't those stingrays know that violence is never the answer? They should give civil disobedience a try; they're only making a bad name for themselves with all this stabbing-in-the-heart business.

The Cursive Wars

Proof that what I knew at six is true: cursive makes you smarter. In first grade, I was obsessed with the cursive in the back of the spelling book. It was so tantalizing--and so cruel! The teacher told me we wouldn't be allowed to learn cursive until the end of second grade. So, of course, I taught myself. And then I taught BI'75 (age 5). BI'75 then got in trouble with her kindergarten teacher for not printing. She maintains that her "fucked up handwriting" (her description, not mine) is my fault for teaching her too young. I maintain that people who know cursive are smarter and she was lucky I imparted my some of my vast wisdom to her.

P.S. I have lovely handwriting.