Twenty Steps to London Town

1. Leave house
2. Walk to Circulator, take to L’Enfant Plaza
3. Take Green Line from L’Enfant Plaza to Greenbelt
4. Take bus from Greenbelt to BWI, arrive 12:35
5. Smoke cigarette.
6. Go through security
7. Walk thirty minutes to gate, past gates that haven’t been built yet, turn around, go back, ask someone, “Is this really the way to Gate [whatever it was],” turn back around, find gate
8. Sit quietly eating tuna sandwich and hear three small children run in screaming, “I want to see the kangaroos now!” They were on their way to Australia. I suggested to their mother that if a little whiskey made it into their sippy cups, no one would hold it against her.
9. Take twenty minute flight to Philly, arrive 3:15 for 8:55 flight
10. Smoke cigarette
11. Go through security
12. Wait
13. Repeat steps 10-12
14. Repeat steps 10-12
15. Repeat steps 10-12
16. Board plane and am shocked to find out that US Air charges $5 for drinks. Find $10.
17. Score row of four seats to myself after moving from front row (where the arms don’t go up) to second row and slowly encroaching on the personal space of the Englishman sharing the row with me until he kindly moved so that I could stretch out.
18. Felt bad that a person at least six inches taller than me had moved to a two-seat row so that I could stretch out in a four-seat row
19. Eight seconds later, stopped feeling bad
20. Fall asleep and wake up in London