Is It Wrong...

...that I have been craving pralines all day?

STDs & You

Actual conversation with my mother:

Mom: (while rubbing her lower abdomen) Do you ever get crabs?
Me: Cramps?
Mom: No, crabs.
Me: Crabs are pubic lice.
Mom: Really? I thought crabs was diarrhea.
Me: No, it's pubic lice.
Mom: (giggles)
Me: I hope you haven't been telling people you have crabs.
Mom: No, no. Anyway, I was wondering if you had diarrhea from lunch.
Me: Nope, no diarrhea. Besides, we had different things.
Mom: Well, we ate at the same place.
Me: I don't think they sprinkle diarrhea powder on the food at Au Bon Pain.

And this is the woman who taught me about the birds and the bees.

Edited...because, unlike all the folks who have written "Pubic Defender" in their resumes, I wrote "public" instead of "pubic".

Tainted Blog

The following "comment" has appeared on a recent entry:

Anonymous said...
I like a good blog when I see one. I also have a dental plan blog for others to learn more about dental plan. Stop on by!

Another reason to hate the dentist.

By The Skin of Her Teeth

This is a connection I think I would be glad to miss.

Then I'm NOT Sorry

At Pentagon City this afternoon, while BI'75 was picking out new glasses, I bought myself some pretzel sticks and settled on the bench outside of Lenscrafters to wait for her. When I sat down, I did so with more force than I intended. I glanced at the other person sitting on the bench to find that she was glaring at me with unbridled hostility.

"Sorry," I smiled.
"What are you sorry about," she replied, still staring at me.
"I'm sorry I shook the bench so hard."
"You don't need to be sorry about that. I'm done taking sorry as an excuse for everything. People say they are sorry all the time but that is just some bullshit."

And she gathered her belongings and stalked off.

My Daily Treat

One of my favorite things are Flavigny flavored candies. I'm not too picky; I like the anise, lavender, jasmine and (newly discovered) rose flavors equally. I have (at least) one each night before I go to bed.



I discovered lavender pastilles when I was five - I loved the container and begged to have some and then I had to actually eat them! I've been hooked ever since and have now decided that others' lives are lacking if they do not know the delicious joy that is a flower flavored pastille. One taste and you are in Provence and that ain't a bad place to be.

General Question to the Assembly

Why does Jon Stewart suck so much in the new studio?

Move Along There, Cletus

This was forwarded to me by Healy accompanied by the question "Was this written by you???" Hip hip hooray for John Kelly for printing in the newspaper of record what the rest of us scream in our heads every day.

List of Grievances

Things that I don't like about Mr. and Mrs. Early being back:

1. Stepping on pistachio shells
2. Fishing cheese slice wrappers out of the sink
3. Finding potato chips tucked in the corner of my laptop screen
4. Not being to find any other potato chips because Mr. Early ate them all
5. Having to explain to Mr. Early why people say "fuck" so much while trying to watch a show on HBO
6. Being volunteered (ordered) to do mundane household tasks that I would do anyway
7. Finding that my leftovers have been eaten by someone else
8. Coming home and finding that the puzzles in the Post have been filled in...wrong...in pen
9. Not being able to find my mail for days until it shows up on my bed
10. Being woken up at ungodly hours because Mr. Early wants me to go with him to the store and run in and get [fill in random item] while he waits in the car

Are You Mine?

See you Saturday!