I'm Worthless!

My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

Vacation Bar

Since the Lounge burned down, I have been searching for a replacement watering hole. I've tried many potentials but none feel quite right. The closest, and most surprising, possibility has been the Pour House. It's one block from the Lounge and has drawn in many refugees. Also, it's run by former Lounge bartenders and has taken in a lot of the staff left unemployed by the fire. But I still don't feel quite at home there; in fact, I feel a little like I'm on vacation. This has the unfortunate result of me drinking like I'm on vacation which means I got super, think-I'm-in-my-20's drunk three times last week. Now I need a vacation from my vacation bar.

12" Too Much, 6"...Just Not Enough

A 6" sub, no matter how loaded, will not fill you up. The 12", however, is daunting; no one needs that much sandwich. I feel pressured to eat all 12" and often wind up too full. My solution: Subway should make 9" subs. "However will they do that? The system is based on 12" rolls cut in half to make 2 6" rolls," you ask? I have given this careful thought and here are the options:

1. Cut off 3" and donate the remainders to food kitchens
   (a'la the muffin top)
2. Cut off 3" and offer a 3" sub
3. Just bake a damn 9" roll!

What A Doll

They didn't have a "curvy" doll so let's pretend I'm skinny for a minute.

Lifelong Research Finally Realized

Name That Candy Bar!

Arrggh & Avast Ye, Matey

Healy has just reminded me that tomorrow is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. For your enjoyment, the original list of "Things Scurvy Pirates Never Say.

1. I need a manicure, arrggh.
2. Would ye like yer daily vitamin supplement? Arrggh.
3. Arrggh, me psychiatrist says I'm transferring me anger at me brother.
4. Would ye like some vegemite? Arrggh.
5. Arrggh ye going to Scarsborough Fair?
6. Would ye like another slice of quiche? Arrggh.

Geek vs. Dork vs. Nerd

BI'75 says I am nerd. I say I am dork. Wikipedia says I'm a geek (although I would argue that their definition should be reassigned to dork whose definition they have deleted).

I fully admit to being a dork/wikipedia-geek. I love trivia. I love senseless facts. I obsess over random subjects (i.e., calendar reform). But Wikipedia, my spiritual home, says I am a geek; not a dork.

What do you say?

No Underpants

Contrary to popular (or maybe just my) belief, the Red Cross does not need underpants. Or pajamas or canned food or any other items. They just need our moola and we should give it to them. Click on the banner to the right to help out.

Is It Wrong...

...that I have been craving pralines all day?

STDs & You

Actual conversation with my mother:

Mom: (while rubbing her lower abdomen) Do you ever get crabs?
Me: Cramps?
Mom: No, crabs.
Me: Crabs are pubic lice.
Mom: Really? I thought crabs was diarrhea.
Me: No, it's pubic lice.
Mom: (giggles)
Me: I hope you haven't been telling people you have crabs.
Mom: No, no. Anyway, I was wondering if you had diarrhea from lunch.
Me: Nope, no diarrhea. Besides, we had different things.
Mom: Well, we ate at the same place.
Me: I don't think they sprinkle diarrhea powder on the food at Au Bon Pain.

And this is the woman who taught me about the birds and the bees.

Edited...because, unlike all the folks who have written "Pubic Defender" in their resumes, I wrote "public" instead of "pubic".