Move Along There, Cletus

This was forwarded to me by Healy accompanied by the question "Was this written by you???" Hip hip hooray for John Kelly for printing in the newspaper of record what the rest of us scream in our heads every day.

List of Grievances

Things that I don't like about Mr. and Mrs. Early being back:

1. Stepping on pistachio shells
2. Fishing cheese slice wrappers out of the sink
3. Finding potato chips tucked in the corner of my laptop screen
4. Not being to find any other potato chips because Mr. Early ate them all
5. Having to explain to Mr. Early why people say "fuck" so much while trying to watch a show on HBO
6. Being volunteered (ordered) to do mundane household tasks that I would do anyway
7. Finding that my leftovers have been eaten by someone else
8. Coming home and finding that the puzzles in the Post have been filled in...wrong...in pen
9. Not being able to find my mail for days until it shows up on my bed
10. Being woken up at ungodly hours because Mr. Early wants me to go with him to the store and run in and get [fill in random item] while he waits in the car

Are You Mine?

See you Saturday!

Why Is Chauncey Dancing?

Because he just found out it's his first birthday and

goats get really excited about that kind of thing.

Happy Birthday, Chauncey Gardener!

Further To My Post On 2/11/2005

They never fell.

Tom Cruise, MD

Who the hell does Tom Cruise think he is? First he bashes Brooke Shields for using therapy and anti-depressants to battle post-partum depression and now he is telling Matt Lauer that he is irresponsible and uneducated for advocating the use of hard drugs on unwilling children (Ritalin for hyperactive kids). Where the hell are his meds? Whoever let Tom's keeper go on vacation needs to call them back toot sweet.

My Boyfriend's Back

There is only one person that I could describe to BI'75 as “The most horrible person in the world. The person you hate above all others.” and have her instantly answer “Nick.” My ex, now for over three years (although he harassed me for one and ½ of those years), is allegedly back in town. When I arrived at the Lounge tonight for Wendy and my weekly outing (truth be told, I make other outings but only once a week with Wendy), Sebastian, the morbidly obese bouncer, said “I should warn you, your ex was here last night.” Apparently, he has managed to graduate from law school and is taking the Maryland bar. When Wendy asked if I wanted to go somewhere else, I answered “This is my fucking bar.” According to Sebastian, Nick is conscious of this and was “spreading around much respect” about me.

I wonder why he even needed to bring me up; a normal person would be nonchalant, pretend that there is no issue instead of bringing up the issue. He knows that I don't want anything to do with him; I think my exact words the last time he called me were “never, ever, ever, ever, never contact me again.” I almost wish I had run into him tonight just to get it over with; now I feel as though he could attack at any time. Beware, the Nick is lurking.

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

I want to avoid overstating this so let me see how I can phrase it best...THE BEST THING EVER HAS HAPPENED. We were at Target and had made our way through the clothes and purses and I was headed to the lotions and potions aisle to see if there was some sort of serum or concealer that I absolutely had to have when I saw a familiar pale green out of the corner of my eye. I thought "That looks like Botanics' packaging but that just can't be." I moved closer. I couldn't believe my eyes; Boots has opened an aisle in Target.

They are selling their top lines, including Botanics which makes a lavender lip balm that I am so addicted to that I recently had Healy send me four tubs. This is part of Boots' strategy to corner the market on on health and beauty products and I, for one, am ready and willing to be marketed to.

Irrational Pet Peeve of the Day

My irrational pet peeve of the day is when people don't have HTML as the default format on their emails and, when I reply to their email and want to use HTML, I have to change the setting from plain text to HTML. IT'S 2005! GET WITH THE PROGRAM.

But...But...

If it's made of 100% chicken breast, how can it be a wing?